Elle Ward appeared outgoing and confident from the outside, the life of the party as a funny and sociable mother-of-one from Orpington. Internally, however, she battled intense self-doubt and crumbling mental health.

“I could be in the middle of a conversation, looking like I’m having a good time. But in my head I am constantly asking if I’m doing it right, if these people even like me. I had a constant internal voice questioning everything,” explains Elle, 28.

Teenage Struggles and Breaking Point

Elle faced self-harm, depression, and low self-esteem during her teenage years, often clashing with her parents. In her late twenties, single motherhood and a demanding teaching job pushed her to a dangerous low.

“On the drive to work, I would be silently begging someone to crash into my car, so I wouldn’t have to do it myself,” she shares.

In October 2024, burnout from work and depression after a long relationship ended led Elle to decide she no longer wanted to live. She describes going “off the rails,” using recreational drugs on weekends and becoming unpleasant by Sunday. Tensions with her parents peaked, though she recognizes now that illness fueled perceptions of selfishness.

Quietly, Elle said goodbyes to her eight-year-old son with zoo trips, arcade visits, and outings to London. She spent time with grandparents and had dinner with parents, feeling at peace for the first time in ages.

Life-Saving Intervention and Hospital Stay

After kissing her parents goodnight, a neighbor’s chance visit intervened, rushing her to A&E. Two days later, staff transferred her to a psychiatric ward in Sidcup.

Arriving at 5 a.m., Elle encountered a disorienting scene: a man in a dress playing loud music in the communal area. “I was petrified, and not in the head space to speak to anyone,” she recalls. Terrified for the first week, she doubted her place there, though reality proved otherwise.

With phone and toiletries confiscated, everything bolted down in her room, Elle lay in bed for days, refusing food, showers, or conversation. “I might as well have been dead, because that is what it felt like,” she admits.

One morning, another patient hid in her room, whispering, “You’re finally awake.” Staff later found him, heightening her fear. Gradually, connections formed: patients and staff proved kind. “I look back on it now as the best and worst six weeks of my life, because for the first time I was around people that understood. I didn’t have to hide anymore,” Elle says.

She initially judged a fellow patient—a man in women’s leggings, high-vis jacket, missing front teeth—but discovered his profound kindness, as he ensured she ate.

Disappointments in Care and Aftercare Failures

Despite positives, Elle encountered shortcomings: only two psychiatrist visits in six weeks, no individual therapy, canceled activities due to staff shortages, and unhelpful group sessions.

Discharged near Christmas to reunite with her son, suicidal urges returned. “I felt safe in hospital, but as soon as I’d come back, there was just everything at your fingertips,” she notes.

A promised home treatment team visit within 48 hours proved a brief, pointless check. Community mental health follow-up never materialized for months, despite her mother’s persistent calls to GP, hospital, and teams.

A psychiatrist appointment letter arrived for May, prompting tears: “I don’t think I can last that long.” Private care proved unaffordable. Sleepless nights and agoraphobia ensued, with family on edge reinforcing her worthlessness. Further suicide attempts followed, but Elle avoided hospital, seeing no value.

Recovery, Advocacy, and New Charity

In August, a referral to an exceptional NHS psychologist marked a turning point. “She follows me up, books appointments, and calls weekly to check in. She treats me like a human being,” Elle praises.

Now stable, she shares her story online, connects with others facing similar care gaps, and launched What About Now charity. Its flagship Chatty Corner partners with cafés in Bromley and Bexley, offering weekly drop-ins for companionship, advice, or safe talks. Expansion aims for a national network accessible to all incomes.

“I don’t think anyone should be discharged from hospital into nothing. People deserve meaningful aftercare and more needs to be done to protect people when they are at their most vulnerable,” she asserts. Having authored a book on her journey, Elle stays busy with her son and charity. “I still have bad days, but I feel the best I’ve felt in a long time. However, I am angry because I nearly died, and my little boy nearly lost his mum because I fell through the cracks.”

Need Support?

For emotional support, call Samaritans 24-hour helpline at 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, visit a branch, or check their website. HOPELINE247 offers 24/7 help: call 0800 068 4141, text 88247, or email pat@papyrus-uk.org.