Valentine’s Day in a Polyamorous World

On Valentine’s morning last year, Naomi Aldwyn-Allsworth woke up next to her partner Matt, enjoyed bubbly and novelty chocolates in bed, then headed back to her London home to spend the day with her son and her other partner, Christopher.

As a 30-year-old survival and outdoor expedition specialist preparing for minus-30-degree training in Norway ahead of a South Pole trip, Naomi views traditional monogamy, desk jobs, and retirement as her “worst nightmare.”

Roots of Non-Monogamy

Naomi’s path to polyamory started at age 20 when she began dating childhood friend Christopher from Pembrokeshire. They share a seven-year-old son. Recognizing the depth of their connection early, Naomi felt too young for it to be her only relationship. “We decided we could write our own rules,” she explains.

Christopher, from a religious background and preferring monogamy, supports her attractions to both men and women. A year after their son’s birth, Naomi began dating others, including men, women, and married couples—once managing four partners simultaneously. She focuses solely on committed relationships, not casual encounters.

Navigating Complex Relationships

Open communication defines her dynamic. “If I want to take someone’s number or kiss them, I confirm with a partner first,” Naomi states. She prioritizes consent in intimate moments.

Her demanding career, featured on Channel 4’s Alone and with Bear Grylls, requires international travel. Naomi uses a location-sharing app visible to partners and colleagues for transparency.

Parenting Takes Priority

Her son remains paramount. “Managing relationships challenges even those with standard jobs, but add my life—it’s tough,” she admits. “You need ruthless organization. My son and career come first; partners must understand that.”

Holidays pose extra hurdles. New relationships spark excitement, but family commitments demand restraint. “You pull back when others dive in,” she notes.

Currently, her son grasps basics without full details. “He’s too young to understand every aspect—no child needs to know all about their parents’ intimacy,” Naomi says. The family emphasizes love, honesty, and diverse structures: “It’s more people to love him.”

Challenges and Growth

Polyamory brings arguments and discomfort, but fosters deep talks. “Monogamous couples rarely venture into these conversations,” she observes.

Initial family and friend reactions focused on her son’s well-being, but witnessing priorities shifted views. A past rape at 15 fuels her commitment to a full life: “I prove I can love intimately while feeling safe.”

Each partner offers unique energy. “No one ticks every box—that’s impossible pressure. Spreading the load feels healthy,” Naomi asserts.

Documentary Insights

The film Love Without Limits: Polyamory and Me (Welsh: Cariad Heb Ffiniau: Poliamoir a Fi) explores her journey with Christopher, Matt—who relocated from America—and married couple Mollie and Connor.

Christopher acknowledges logistics: “It can be horrific.” New partners befriend their son Barnaby first. “A new partner gives Naomi something I can’t—being happy for that is beautiful,” he says. Their romance evolved to platonic co-parenting in a larger home for dating flexibility. “Nothing terrible ended it; it shifted,” Naomi clarifies.

Tensions arise with new dates, but they navigate them. Her school supports their setup. The documentary captures breakups, arguments, and adjustments, highlighting ongoing balance.